Just Another Day

One of the hardest days I have had of late had to be the day Travis graduated from high school... it just didn't seem fair that you weren't there.  Dad was there.  Karen was there next to me.  Rick and his entire family were there in front of me... I guess, even Dean, was next to me - even though he didn't want to be there.

I felt alone.

It sucked.

It was probably one of the proudest days of my life - watching my little bly - OUR little monkey butt walk across that stage - with all of his accomplishments, yet it didn't matter - you weren't physically there - oh how I needed you.

I went to the cemetary and did what you made me promise I would never do... I lost it.  I cried so hard Mom... I cried harder than I ever thought I could...

and then I heard it - a truck, climbing the hill.

Wouldn't you know? It was Debbi, Brian, Travis and Cory- yeah - not quite what I needed that day - they were going by Grandpa Jerry's grave... but they saw me - head buried on your gravestone... I am sure they thought I looked like a fool...

but I needed you.

I needed you that day Mom.

And I need you today :(

Why can't I just die so I can be with you in heaven?

Why can't God just take me home to Him? to you?

Why?